A Life for A Life

Not many people know when or where they will die. In fact, most people try not to think or talk about death at all. It's considered morbid and it's depressing, right? Possibly. But it's also reality. As sure as one lives, eventually one will die. So I have begun to ponder what will be remembered about me when I die? You see, I have been told that I will die in prison. Convicted of 1st degree murder at the age of 17 for a crime I didn't commit, sentenced to life in prison without parole, my future looks bleak to say the least. I have been fighting for my freedom for over 12 years now. I have been screaming "I'm innocent" at the top of my lungs for years now and being unheard. I have been waiting for some glimmer of deliverance. For the actual truth about my conviction to finally set me free. Well, I am still waiting. And I realize that as God wakes me up each day and I continue to fight and I wait, there is still another enemy I have yet to conquer----time.

Time keeps ticking. Time refuses to stand still. Time is passing and while I have lost my freedom, I have not lost my life. That means I still have time to make a difference. Time to have my story heard. Time to use my life to help someone else's life. So instead of this blog being dedicated to just sharing my life story or experiences, I have been inspired to use it as a mentoring opportunity to help you boys understand what real manhood is. Without proper guidance, little boys can grow up with distorted perceptions of what makes a man.  As someone who grew from a boy to a man in a cement garden, I want to set the record straight. So let's talk manhood...........more posts coming soon.

A life for a life,
Sir Robert

What A Guy Really Means When He Says “Just Friends”……

This post will be short and to the point. Is it just me or does it seem like kids are dating younger these days and becoming intimate with each other without understanding the emotional ramifications of a romantic relationship? A lot of young people use their bodies like a revolving door. No discretion. No discrimination. Everybody has access. It’s scary. I’m not going to say too much because I don’t want to betray my sex and I definitely won’t do any male bashing because there are still some good dudes out there (like me) who know how to treat and appreciate a woman. However, I have a mother, a wonderful woman in my life, I have great female supporters who I consider friends and sisters, and one day I hope to have a daughter. That being said I want to help young girls get a clue about the “Friendship Game.” When you hear the phrase “just friends” brace yourself for a rude awakening. The “Just Friends” card is a tactic that some men use to let a female know that he’s not interested in anything serious. He doesn’t want a commitment or emotional attachments. He prefers for you to have very little expectation of him. He’s not trying to be your boyfriend or man and he’s not interested in hearing about your wedding fairytale. He doesn’t want to invest in a monogamous journey with you. In other words, he doesn’t want the job but he does want the benefits. 9 times out of 10 he’s just looking for some mutually beneficial passionate fun, otherwise known as sex ladies. Some wise person once said that a man will only do to you what you allow him to do to you. They were right. When you set boundaries and standards, a man knows that he has to meet those standards if he wants to have you in his life. When you settle for whatever he’s offering versus making your own demands ladies, you can’t be upset when he leaves you disappointed and disillusioned. If you accept this casual arrangement then you shouldn’t expect the formalities of courtship. He’s not courting you. He doesn’t need to. After all you gave him all you had to offer in the friend zone. He already got what he wanted. Why does he need to pursue you further? My advice to young and older women alike…..if you want better, be better and demand better. This is what I plan to tell my daughter one day. My advice to young men…..be a real dude and respect a woman with standards. And if you really want to be a man, rise to the occasion. Just a little friendly advice from a man who knows how to appreciate a good thing when he has it. I would love to hear your comments so hit me up below.

YOLO,

Robert

Jail or College? Wish I Could Choose Again…

As I sit and think about a question that I was asked: "What was my first day in prison like?”  I am forced to recall one of the hardest days in my life.  I can’t help but be amazed at the contrast between the boy that I was then and the man that I am today.

The first day that I walked into prison was April 18, 2002. I was stripped naked in front of about 10 other men, and given some shampoo, to wash all of my hairs with. If you ask me, think this is the same shampoo that is used on dogs with flees, I'm not sure but I wasn't feeling it. I was given a prison number 410196. My name didn’t matter anymore.  No nicknames or street names here. This number is what I would be referred to from that point on.

I was then escorted to a chow hall, to eat my first meal. Cold Pizza with thick dry crust and the chess that was like rubber. Nothing like the pizza that I enjoyed eating when I was free. As I forced myself to eat this meal, the prison number that I was given, kept running through my head. It reminded me of when slaves were being stripped of their identity. This number was now my name. The reality was starting to set in. I wasn’t going home. I couldn’t leave and go to the mall or go chill with my friends. I was sentenced to life without parole. This was my new home.  As I sat thinking and eating that piece of dough that was given to me as a meal, all the people that were important to me started to run through my head. Would they miss me? Would they write or visit? Would they forget me?

I was told that I would be heading to a unit, where I had been assigned a cell. I had to stop at health service first. I walked pass several groups of prisoners. The first group of guys were about my age at the time (17), and early 20's. The other group of guys were much older, and they sat in a small room (health care), with a much more aggressive look than the first group. One of the guys in this group had big eyes, the whites of his eyes were yellow; with red veins running through them, and he smelled like a burning black & mild. I'd only been on earth 17 years, but if I didn't know anything else-- I knew that this guy had a past and it was not that great. It was this guy that informed me why I was in health service. I was there for my physical and HIV test.

As the words "HIV TEST" rolled off his tongue, a fear set in that I'd never experienced before. I had never been tested before. The flashing faces of woman that I had unprotected sex with started to pop up in my head. I was wrestling with all kind of emotions already. Uneasiness, dissatisfaction, anger, and now fear of this HIV test result. I didn't think my day could get any worst. I wouldn't get the result of this test back for weeks. Sometimes it’s not the knowing that kills you….it’s the waiting.

When I made it to the cell that I had been assigned to, I put everything on the bed that I was given and I had a conversation with myself and with God. I said to myself that I would be humble, but I wasn’t going for any nonsense. I guess this was the alpha male coming out of me. I'd heard so many crazy stories about prison. I could only imagine that at least 50% of them were true.  I was young, I felt like a cub being placed in the jungle with lions, and all I knew is that I wasn't going to be Simba from the Lion King. This was one of the worst days of my life. And the nightmare is still going.

To Be Continued,
Sir Robert,

Our Children and the Criminal Justice System” “Fairness and Equality” By: Brandon Harrington #248519

In June 2012 the United States Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional to sentence a convicted juvenile murderer to a mandatory life without parole sentence.  See Miller v. Alabama 567 US _, 132 SCT2455; 183 (Ed2d 407 (2012).  In the Miller case 14 year old Evan Miller killed a man named Cole Cannon by beating him with a baseball bat after smoking marijuana and playing drinking games at Mr. Cannon’s trailer.  Mr. Cannon eventually passed out and Evan Miller attempted to steal the contents of Mr. Cannon’s wallet. While attempting to return the wallet Mr. Cannon awoke and grabbed fourteen year old Evan by the throat. A friend who was also present throughout the entirety of the evening hit Mr. Cannon with a bat. Evan Miller eventually grabbed the bat and repeatedly striked Mr. Cannon.  Mr. Cannon eventually died of smoke inhalation after Evan Miller and his friend set the trailer ablaze. Miller, 132 SCT at 2463

The United States Supreme Court considered these facts in conjunction with the law and determined that a mandatory sentence of life without the possibility of parole was a direct violation of the 8^th Amendment’s Cruel and Unusual Punishment prohibition.  Miller 132 SCT at 2469.  The Court ruled that juveniles were different than adults and the mandatory life without parole sentence was the same for adults and children in name only.  Miller, 132, SCT at 2466, The Court determined that there existed a large amount of scientific evidence that supported the fact that children should be viewed as children and not treated as adults in the justice system.  Miller, 132 SCT at 2464-2465.  The Court also determined factors to be reviewed by Court’s in sentencing juvenile murderers such as individual character, criminal record, circumstances of offense, familial and peer pressure, age, background, mental emotional development, family life, incompetencies associated with youth that would affect a person’s ability to understand the justice system, aggravating mitigating circumstances, as well as culpability, and rehabilitation.  Miller, 132 SCT at 2468.  The court ultimately concluded that juveniles were entitled by law to a “meaningful opportunity to obtain release based upon demonstrated maturity and rehabilitation.” Miller, 132 SCT at 2469

There are nearly 2, 500 children across the country currently incarcerated under these type of laws. More than the rest of the world combined.  There are two countries that allow for these types of sentences, the U.S. and Israel, M.Leigh-tont Ci de la Vega, Sentencing over Children to Die in Prison: Global Law and Practice 4 (2007).  Many of our children are what Justice Stephen Breyer considered to be people sentenced unconstitutionally despite the fact that they have “twice diminished” responsibility. Miller, 132 SCT 2475.  This is because as Justice Breyer explains, “…..[they] neither killed nor intended to kill the victims.

That leads us to the companion case of Miller also decided by the US Supreme Court resulting in the same direction; Kuntrell Jackson v. Arkansas.  Fourteen year old Kuntrell Jackson went with two other boys to rob a video store.  Along the way Kuntrell was made aware that one of the boys possessed a firearm.  While the other two boys went in to rob the store Kuntrell Jackson remained outside.  Laurie Troup was the store clerk at the time. Derrick Shields demanded money from Ms. Troup. Ms. Troup refused and threatened to call the police.  At this point Kuntrell entered the store and said either “I thought you all were playing” or “we ain’t playing”.  Derrick Shields then shot and killed Ms. Troup.  Miller, 132 SCT at 2461.

As a society we must determine whether we will automatically throw away all of these children’s futures or if we are willing to look at each case individually.  Usually the law demands individualized sentencing hearings for each convicted person the judge has discretion regarding sentencing.   If my child made one of these poor choices I would be devastated and even more so would the victim’s families.  There would be no way I could apologize enough, “fix” the tragic loss of a loved one, or heal the wounds created by my child’s horrific decision.  I could only hope that one day time would help them cope and that my son/daughter might also be given the opportunity to be rehabilitated. 

Throwing away children because they aren’t biologically ours and have committed a horrible act, shows that in some cases we judge our children as adults, regardless of the fact that they don’t have the same intellectual, emotional, or coping capabilities that we (adults) have developed.  We don’t let our children drive, marry, smoke, purchase alcohol, obtain loans, mortgages, or enter into any other contract without our permission or until they reach a certain age, but if the commit a crime we judge them as adults even as young as 11 or even 10 years old.  I don’t believe that this is the strong spirit of America or the compassion of a proud parent nation.  If we truly are a nation of equality, fairness, and second chances then this is a chance for us to demonstrate it.  We can email our local elected leaders and let them know how we feel about this or we can continue on with our lives because this situation doesn’t directly affect is.  This is not an attempt to guilt the reader into anything only an attempt to address a current problematic and clearly unfair situation.

Family First: The Fountain of Inspiration for the Youth.....By: Darrell Braxton #195722

For our youth to be loftily inspired it is critical that they have a sense of self.  According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, to inspire is defined as: to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration. (2): to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence upon.  The etymology of this awesome word inspire has its roots in Middle English, from Old French, and Latin “inspirare” meaning into + spirare, meaning to breathe. So inspire essentially means to breathe into, not unlike the breath of life our creator imbued man with. What greater center of operation from which one can proceed in life than from their true self, the divine principle within them.

Conversely, the opposite of inspiration is indifference, coldness, inattention, and apathy, which in our communities has bred disdain, contempt, and recklessness.  Where the highest ambitions of a segment of our young people are not college and harnessing the power of idealism to be our future leaders of tomorrow, but rather it is celebrating the hallmark of reaching twenty-one, because the expectations of making it to that age for our children in this age and time is very slim.  The nexus between that grim reality and a abject absence of a sense of self is beyond apparent.  We know what inspiration is and are assuredly convince that our young people must have more than a does of it to turn the bleak statistics that we are all aware of around.  But the question is, how do we get it to them?

Firstly, we must understand that the spectrum of identity has various parts, and those parts must cohesively blend into each other for the health of the self.  There is one self, with many differentiating aspects: you have the essence of who we are; the spirit, our core our center.  Then we have our immediate family, friends, community, and nation.

All of these comprise our collective identity, they combined, are where we derive our sense of self.  We must take care to ensure that they are full of breath (inspiration), robust and strong.  Breathlessness cannot inspire.

Whatever disconnection or disease existing in our youth, it is only a reflection of that disconnection and disease that exist in our society at large.  Our young people are not raised in a vacuum, they are not an island unto themselves. Sadly many of the symptoms of mal-adjustment that we witness in the headlines of our media are a forecast into a greater problem plaguing our homes, communities, and nation; it is the proverbial dead canary in the mine that acts as a dire warning that there is danger.  We have become poor examples as adults, asthmatic in our efforts as models that inspire.  The onus is on us.

Not to be cliché or trite, but it truly takes a village to raise a child, be it raise them to go crooked, or go straight, that depends on the state of the village. It is there, the village where the most emphasis must be placed.  Instead of making the at-risk youth the primary focus of attention, our efforts must be more holistic driven; give more attention and support to the family structure from which the youth is nurture, where the youth gains his/her initial sense of identity (often times it is there where the greatest degree of inspiration and education must occur) where we adults have lost our footing.  Systems of support for the parents and the adults inhabiting the immediate space of our young people must be erected, coalescing around them to aid in what may be fractured there, which acts as magnetic corralling force that pulls the youth into an orbit of stability, thus giving him/her greater prospects of self-discovery.  Put the health of the family first, and the youth will be inspired.

Inspirational Essay for Youth: 1st Place Winner's Essay from Inmate Livingstone Bradley #643502

Hello,

My name is Livingstone Bradley.  I am 27 years old and I am a native of Detroit, MI and I would like to first and foremost like to concede that no matter who you are or whatever your current station in life, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that a not-so-little thing called struggle can come in a myriad of forms.  How we as adults, seniors, young men and women, and more importantly, the youth respond to struggle is what’s important.  To see the sheer reality of what is currently going on in the community (It could be yours or someone you know and love) it would take nothing but a brisk walk to the nearest corner-store or a short drive to the gas station.  Between point A and point B you could witness a plethora of residual damages from a moment of violence turned deadly, causing innocent casualties in the process, or property vandalism caused by groups of individuals who may or may not feel as they were short-changed in life.  If you are currently a troubled youth reading this please understand…you are not alone!!!  This has been the revolving door of broken homes for decades as well as the product of a new wave of rebelliousness that just refuses to ingest the “right kinds of brain food.”  How can this be stopped?  It can’t.  But with a collective conscious effort, the benefits of targeting the trouble youth in certain communities could certainly outweigh the losses of innocent youth in troubled neighborhoods.

There may not simply be enough outlets for learning opportunities that would better appeal to the way most teenagers would deem “fit” for this particular day and age.  Everything is digital and futuristic and let’s be real, outside of school and most of the time in school during important projects, electronics are being used as a way out because it deviates from the norm. Boredom leads to skipped classes, extracurricular drug usage, criminal activity, and most of the time its because there is simply nothing that hold the interest of the youth and so the fast path to penitentiary begins.  The results are usually grim and valuable lives are wasted in the process. A lot of my experiences that led to my being incarcerated were the result of misplaced potential, unreasonable expectations, and non-utilization of my precious mental faculties aside from coming up on the deep Westside of Detroit.  I quickly turned a keen eye to quick money and no real steady goal on how to acquire it.  I became so angry at my own circumstances.  I decided to make poor choices and lash out at society.  I thought I was “sticking it to the man.”  But I ended up sticking myself behind bars for 10 years.   I was lucky to be alive in the years that led up to prison. But when I reflect back on my life, I realized I was just a young kid who was handed a deck of 42 cards.  I thought the world owed me something later but I ended up taking what I thought was mine hurting no one but myself.  I urge anyone reading this to understand the benefits of wise decision making and making sure you become part of something greater instead of something worse. You either build or you destroy and for what? A couple of dollars? A shot at revenge? No, it goes deeper than that.  Look within yourself.  You’ll find the status you need. Help your mother, father, anyone you can.  In doing so, you help yourself, and your community because you become a greater part of something a lot bigger than you or me. Each one needs to teach one. But always remember the greatest teachers make also the greatest students. I understand that now and sooner or later….so will you. Good Luck.

Inmates Make New Strides to Discourage Youth from Coming to Jail

Hello,

So right before Christmas I initiated a contest here at the prison for inmates to write an essay about the snares and pitfalls in their lives that led to them coming to prison. The goal behind this effort is to continue to discourage youth from glorifying street life or prison and to keep them from going through some of the stuff that us “Old G’s” have been through. About 15 inmates participated which is a huge deal. I selected the top three essays as winners. I will be sharing each essay in an individual post over the next couple of days so stay tuned and send this link to any young person you know…..especially African-American boys in urban neighborhoods. Tomorrow I will be 30 years old. I came to prison when I was 17. That means I have spent my entire adult life behind bars. I have and am continuing to evolve as a man and I just hope that I can inspire somebody else along the way. Each one reach one!

Signing off,

Robert

Jail is the New Life Dream for Teens. Really?……….Going to Jail Ain’t Gangsta

Imagine this……It’s Monday morning. A 14-year old boy comes into his 7^th grade homeroom prepared to do his very best and being his best. Not the best student though. The best class clown, troublemaker, bully….all of that. The other kids in the class that find his daily antics amusing try to goad him into playing a trick on another student. His response is “Naw, man. I ain’t tryin’ to get in trouble today. If I get kicked out I go back to juvie and this is my third strike. Then they gon send me to jail.” After a few seconds of transparency he goes back to his normal bluster. “But I ain’t really worried about going to jail cuz I got cousins in there and if anybody try to do anything to me, I’ll just get my cousins.”

This is a true story. There are really young kids who are “wanna-be-gangsters” who think that coming to jail is one big family reunion. Well, I got news for you. You may have a brother, cousin, or homie in jail but I guarantee you that they don’t want to be here. I can also tell you that knowing somebody in jail won’t protect you from the dangers in here.

The lesson that I would like to share that is-- not seeing thing for what they are and not listening. I recall being told things by people that I really didn't view as cool-- so I honestly didn't listen. And when I thought someone was a square or soft, I really wasn't trying to hear it. Now I'm grown, and everything that I was being told has turned out to be true.

One day I was talking to a guy, I thought he was soft, but he actually was very smart. He said: "Rob your loyalty is in the wrong place, I told him that he was tripping-- because I thought he was soft. I know that I'm not a square, so I hoping this lesson that I'm about to share will not be received like I took the things that were being told to me. I lived the life. I ran the streets. I had the money, the girls, the respect, the cars. And I’m writing you from prison right now. So listen up….

I'd like to warn any youth who are running the streets and thinking that it's cool... Don't misplace your loyalty. Often times when we are young, we are fearless, but our loyalty is misplaced, and we don't have the right direction to place our fearlessness. You're not being loyal, because you'd do something for a friend-- that they may not even do for themselves. That's being stupid... There's a difference between loyalty and stupidity. It's not being loyal, when one of you friends know that you should be focusing on school, but yet they are trying to pull you into their….uh… mess. You know what I really wanted to say though...

When we are young we sometimes go out of our way to show people that we are loyal to them, and in the process of doing this we neglect those that really love and care about us. I now think back to some of the pain that I've caused my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and other people that care for me. As I think back, I was hurting my family being committed to the block or my friends... And the people that I was committed and loyal to family were happy and enjoying life, because their loved ones commitment and loyalty were not on the same level as mines.

I'd just like to touch the hearts of the youth that think they are “real”, and give them the true meaning of realness. Being real is being there for those that you care about, being real is not causing those that love you stress. And being real is having morals and respect. Some of stuff that I see and hear the youth doing today in not real coming to prison ain't cool.  You crazy if you think prison is cute...

To all ya’ll trying to get in……I’m tryin’ to get out. You wanna trade me places? Y.O.L.O.  Do the right thing.

Signing off-- Robert